Life's Little Lamentation

I know I am a guy, I mean gender never matters I don't know why, the tears keep dropping now. Yes, I am crying. A silent cry to mourn of someone who had never existed. A silent cry People say emotionally hurt is much worse than being wounded physically. I do not fear pain or death now. My fingers, my hands are trembling. God, please teach me how to end this. Teach me the right and best possible thing to do. I do not want to wallow in self pity... but I am really sad, really sad, really sad. I may be smiling, but I am crying inside. To myself, I have already died. I am still crying. Gosh, please STOP. you cant cry for someone who never existed. you cant cry for something that should not have started. you cant cry for something that was never meant to be. But I cant help it, can I? How can you stop a crying man? Can you beat me up? Tell me off ?

Differences created by the vastness of self indulgence now sitteth at the true throne of Vanity caress the twelve strokes of Time's telling and bring forth a multitude of praise. And the journey of Jealous not-withstanding (she is but far) compel thy merciful mind to rethink and rethink and try finding Forgiveness to forgive and Love to hate. For now stand thee at a certain crossroad and bring thyself to such an extension of belief without which Hope declares thee to stay firm in the precious ground of much memories. But Knowledge is determined and so is Dream they are both brave and tried and proved (or are they?) they wait upon the beckoning of thy peerless right hand same one that struck a stricken-heart of one young man. And it is indeed deceiving to name a widow Shadow more precisely a despised lowly fool without self for Self is given and not earned but names are named. Alas, what are worlds that whirl the words of Wisdom? the poor man's ill-ready voice is lost and not he

Anxiety when nearest is calm and soothing and tells of tales that are cold and chilling In your ears she will shout and tear at your joints with such power and ferocity that you scatter and burn in unholy fire What matches the sun in light, and moon in darkest hour? Who trembles at night, and fear the sweet smile sour? That is Anxiety at her best calm when most obvious and claws and slashes at you when you least expect.