The Road Not Taken
It's really funny that I should be writing this in a cyber cafe. Not that cyber cafes aren't meant for stuffs like this, but merely the fact that it's the norm now to associate cyber cafes with gaming.
And also the fact that I am almost bored to death that prompted me to start.
I cannot really explain the feeling that I have now. I know, I know. It's called loneliness to some, or rather most. But then, it explains but half of the feelings I am feeling right now.
Let me put it this way.
It is one feeling that you will feel if
1) suddenly you have 2 months free of everything but yourself
2) suddenly for the next 14 days you will not be seeing the one you love the most
3) suddenly for the next 14 days too, you will be doing some boring stuffs unworthy of mention
4) suddenly you are left alone for the night before leaving home for almost a month
5) suddenly you find yourself sitting in between 2 gamers totally engrossed in another session of dota and you are there typing this down.
There are so many things I wish I can express with words. But right now I can't. I don't seem to be able to express anything anymore. I mean, I know how it feels, and sometimes I can just spend hours dreaming about the dreams I have, and think about the many things I am thinking about.
I guess those times just do not justify the right to type everything down and expect many people to understand how you feel at that particular moment. You can't expect people to console you, because they do not understand. I guess that sums up the mixed feelings of jealousy and contempt. Strange innit, how these two feelings can come together everytime you do not want them to? And they will never come together when you want them to.
It is my guess too that you will need to spend those times setting your priorities right again, testing your own feelings against the judgemental part of your body - the brain.
But things just never make sense. And if ever they do, they tend to make too much sense.
And trust me, it is INEVITABLE. You will always want to choose to run the road so many have treaded upon and fell miserably. The other road will lead you otherwise, to victory and maybe more than that, but that road is the road NOT taken.
And also the fact that I am almost bored to death that prompted me to start.
I cannot really explain the feeling that I have now. I know, I know. It's called loneliness to some, or rather most. But then, it explains but half of the feelings I am feeling right now.
Let me put it this way.
It is one feeling that you will feel if
1) suddenly you have 2 months free of everything but yourself
2) suddenly for the next 14 days you will not be seeing the one you love the most
3) suddenly for the next 14 days too, you will be doing some boring stuffs unworthy of mention
4) suddenly you are left alone for the night before leaving home for almost a month
5) suddenly you find yourself sitting in between 2 gamers totally engrossed in another session of dota and you are there typing this down.
There are so many things I wish I can express with words. But right now I can't. I don't seem to be able to express anything anymore. I mean, I know how it feels, and sometimes I can just spend hours dreaming about the dreams I have, and think about the many things I am thinking about.
I guess those times just do not justify the right to type everything down and expect many people to understand how you feel at that particular moment. You can't expect people to console you, because they do not understand. I guess that sums up the mixed feelings of jealousy and contempt. Strange innit, how these two feelings can come together everytime you do not want them to? And they will never come together when you want them to.
It is my guess too that you will need to spend those times setting your priorities right again, testing your own feelings against the judgemental part of your body - the brain.
But things just never make sense. And if ever they do, they tend to make too much sense.
And trust me, it is INEVITABLE. You will always want to choose to run the road so many have treaded upon and fell miserably. The other road will lead you otherwise, to victory and maybe more than that, but that road is the road NOT taken.
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